Syrian Stories. “If You’re Syrian and You Know It.” A Song.

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Bashar al-Asad, Damascus, ethnicity, nationalism, politics, satire, Song, Syria

Syrian Ethnicities Map courtesy of fanack.com

The Syrian regime is singing a lot these days. Like Nero fiddling while Rome burned, Bashar al-Asad, the Lion King of Damascus, sings this little number as he rakes his forces over the hot coals of rebellion. It goes something like this (sing along, you know the tune!):

If you’re an ‘Alawi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re an ‘Alawi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re an ‘Alawi and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re an ‘Alawi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.

If you’re a Sunni and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Sunni and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Sunni and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Sunni and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.

If you’re a Shi’i and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Shi’i and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Shi’i and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Shi’i and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.

If you’re a Masihi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Masihi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Masihi and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Masihi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.

If you’re a Kurdi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Kurdi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap Clap.
If you’re a Kurdi and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Kurdi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.

If you’re a Dirzi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Dirzi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, Clap.
If you’re a Dirzi and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Dirzi and you know it, clap your hands. Clap Clap.

AND…

If you’re a Shami and you know it, Shut your eyes. Eyes, Eyes.
If you’re a Shami and you know it, Shut your eyes. Eyes, Eyes.
If you’re a Shami and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Shami and you know it, Shut your eyes. Eyes, Eyes.

If you’re a Halabi and you know it, Shut your mouth. Mouth, Mouth.
If you’re a Halabi and you know it, Shut your mouth. Mouth, Mouth.
If you’re a Halabi and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Halabi and you know it, Shut your mouth. Mouth, Mouth.

If you’re a Hamwi and you know it, Plug your ears. Ears, Ears.
If you’re a Hamwi and you know it, Plug your ears. Ears, Ears.
If you’re a Hamwi and you know it, Plug your ears. Ears, Ears.
If you’re a Hamwi and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Hamwi and you know it, Plug your ears. Ears, Ears.

If you’re a Homsi and you know it, Go to Hell. Hell, Hell.
If you’re a Homsi and you know it, Go to Hell. Hell, Hell.
If you’re a Homsi and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a Homsi and you know it, Go to Hell. Hell, Hell.

If you’re a Suri and you know it, …

Umm, Wait a minute. What’s a Suri?

[Note: ‘Alawi, Sunni, Shi’i are all well known ethnic and religious terms. Masihi = Christian, Dirzi = Druze, Homsi = from the city of Homs, Shami = Damascene, Halabi = Aleppine, Hamwi = from the city of Hama, and last but not least of all, Suri = Syrian.]

In the face of countless points of division, most manufactured to serve narrow political and economic interests, it is important to remember what unites the people of Syria: a deep-rooted civilization, long history of struggles for sovereignty, amazing capacity for beauty and humor in the face of violence, and hope for a better, more inclusive future. Time to change the tune…